A Forbidden Love
by A. Smithee
Summary: Crazy wild monkey-lust featuring Harry, Draco, Snape, Goyle, and surprise visits from mysterious weirdos who keep the dream alive.
1. Goyle and Snape's Budding Love

A Forbidden Love

by A. Smithee

_             Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from the Harryverse.  I apologize to J.K. Rowling and AOL Time Warner for making pretty much all the characters gay._

_Author's note: This is a story composed of many e-mails, which is why it may sound choppy.  This is also a PWP with slash.  If you don't like slash, I suggest you leave.  Right now._

_GIT!!_

Chapter One 

            He stared up at the hooked nose, the one he had been longing to touch since the first day he stepped into Hogwarts.

            "Beautiful position, Goyle.  You are really improving," said Snape.

            Goyle blushed.  "Th-thank you, Professor," he stuttered.

            "You are my favorite student," Snape said, running a long finger down Goyle's arm.

            "You're my favorite teacher," Goyle said as he looked deep into Snape's eyes.

            "Goyle, I want you."

            Just as Snape leaned in to kiss Goyle, a blond (devastatingly handsome) boy burst into the dungeon.  "Snape, how COULD you?!  I thought we were in love!" he cried, flinging himself onto the stone floor.

            "Draco!" Snape cried, "It's not what it looks like!"

            "Yes it is!  I hate you!  We're through!" Draco screamed as he rushed out of the room.  He climbed up a flight of stairs and collapsed.  With his face in his hands, he wept freely.

            "Uh … Draco?" a masculine voice said.

            Draco looked up and saw Harry Potter staring at him.  "Harry!  What are you doing here?" Draco asked, sniffing a little.

            "I was going to ask you the same question," Harry said.

            "Harry … maybe we'd be more comfortable in my room …" Draco said, grinning wickedly.

            Harry and Draco rushed up the stairs to the Slytherin common room.  "Draco, I know we haven't had the best relationship in the past … but I think you're really hot," Harry confessed as they entered Draco's bedroom.

            "I think you're hot too, Potter.  Um … I have a sorta personal question to ask you.  How many serious relationships have you been in?" Draco asked.

            "Well … there was Hermione, Ginny, Ron, Crabbe – very briefly, Seamus, Neville, Dumbledore, Lupin, Cho, Fred and George, Filch, Mrs. Norris, Goyle, Hagrid, Cedric – sadly, after he died, Parvati, Lee Jordan, Mrs. Weasley, Moaning Myrtle, Percy, Mr. Crouch, Mr. Bagman, Colin and Dennis Creevey, Rita Skeeter, Blaise, Roan the centaur, Dobby, and Snape."

            "Wait – you went out with Snape?!" Draco shouted.

            "I wouldn't exactly call it 'going out.'  It was much more … casual," Harry said guiltily.

            "You bitch!" Draco cried, preparing to rush out of the room.  He was nearly out the door when a thin figure slammed into him.

"Ron!" both Harry and Draco exclaimed.

            "I was wondering … could I join you?"

            _Of course, there's more to come.  Hehe.  I said "come."_


	2. Harry, the Eager Tutor

A Forbidden Love

by A. Smithee

_             Disclaimer: I had the money to buy Harry Potter from J.K. Rowling and AOL Time Warner, but then I blew it all on undisclosed purchases._

_Author's note: This is a story composed of many e-mails, which is why it may sound choppy.  This is also a PWP with slash.  If you don't like slash, well, go read about teacups and kitties or whatever normal people read about._

_Also: _I AM AWARE_ that the common room shifts places from house to house.  It's part of the plot-holey charm.  Right?_

Chapter Two 

            "Well, I have no problems with this," Harry said happily.

            "I DO!!!" Draco screamed.  "Are you people insane?!  Harry, is Ron your manwhore or something?"

            "Well … yeah, he kinda is," Harry admitted.

            "I give up!  Being gay is too hard.  Guys are too flaky!" Draco whined as he attempted to rush out the door again.  This time it was Dean who he crashed into.

            "Um … Harry, I thought we were going to have our 'tutoring' session now," Dean said uncertainly.

            "Of course.  Do you mind if Ron and Draco join us?" Harry asked.  Dean stepped towards Harry as Draco sprinted out of the room screaming.  The others looked confused for a few seconds before jumping into bed.

            Draco ran into the Gryffindor common room, panting heavily.  "Draco!  What are you doing here?" a sexy voice said from the corner.  Draco turned around and saw Ginny Weasley.  _Hmm … the perfect rebound girl,_ he thought slyly.

            Meanwhile, in the dungeon:

            "This is wrong," Snape said as he stroked Goyle's hair.

            "Look, just because I'm sixteen and you're, like, fifty, doesn't mean it's wrong," Goyle said, looking deeply into Snape's eyes.  "Snape, I love you."

            "Well, Ginny, you're looking quite delicious tonight," Draco said, trying to look appealing.  He failed miserably.

            "Go to Hell, Malfoy," Ginny said.

            "As long as you come with me, hot stuff," he said, giving her his "sexy" smirk.

            "Look Draco –" Ginny began.  She stopped when she saw Fred and George trying to sneak into Harry's room.

            "Um … he tutors us," George said sheepishly.

            "Sure," Draco said, still trying to get Ginny to look at him.  "So honey, ever seen a Slytherin room?"

            "Yeah, actually I have.  I'm dating all three of your Quidditch Chasers," she said calmly.

            "What is WRONG with this school?!  Am I the only one who hasn't slept with at least half of it?" Draco screamed.

            "Probably," Ginny said.  "Sorry, but I've gotta go.  Colin Creevey is waiting for me.  Ciao!"

            _I have got to get _out_ of this place, _Draco thought as she left.

            _Coming soon to a Hogwarts bedroom near you: More of the epic PWP, _**A Forbidden Love**_.  Hehe, I said "coming."_


	3. Damn, Are Those Hogwarts Beds Big

A Forbidden Love

by A. Smithee

            _Disclaimer: You know what?  I _DO _own Harry Potter.  I stole him from J.K. Rowling and AOL Time Warner, and now he's in the basement of my house.  Handcuffed._

_            Author's note: This is a story composed of many e-mails, which is why it may sound choppy.  This is also a PWP with slash.  If you don't like slash, go away.  Please._

Chapter Three 

            Draco was slowly trudging back to his room when he suddenly sprinted back towards the Gryffindor common room.  He stepped into Harry's room and smiled.  "Harry, please forgive me."

            The next morning:

            Professor McGonagall skipped up to the boys' dormitories at six in the morning.  She loved surprise inspections.  She opened the door and stepped inside.  _Everything seems to be in order,_ she thought.

            "Ron, get off my chest.  I can't breathe," said a tired voice coming from Harry's bed.

            "Where are my pants?"

            "HARRY!  You're wearing my THONG!" cried a familiar voice.

            "Hermione!  What are you doing in Harry's bed?!" McGonagall shouted as she ripped back the curtains.  She was met with the sight of fourteen half-naked students.

            "OH MY GOD!" she screamed, stumbling backwards.

            "Harry, Ron, Hermione – I thought you had better sense, Fred, George, Parvati, Lavender, Draco, you – I don't know your name, but you're a Slytherin Chaser, Neville –"

            "NEVILLE!  HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?!" everyone in the bed shouted.  Neville looked sad and walked away.

            "Let me continue," McGonagall shouted back at them.  "Pansy, Dean, Ginny … WOOD!  You already GRADUATED!"

            "Yeah, I know," he said sadly as Ginny drooled on his chest.

            "Detention for everyone here!" McGonagall yelled.

            "But Professor, I don't go here any–"

            "I DON'T CARE, WOOD!" she shouted, her face turning purple.  She turned around abruptly and and walked back out the door.  They could hear her muttering, "They sure make the beds bigger than in my day."

            Meanwhile, in the dungeon:
    
                   Goyle had just woken up and decided to visit Snape.  Last night he had wisely decided not to sleep with him.  It was just too soon.  Goyle crept quietly into the Potions classroom, expecting to see Snape grading papers.  It was empty, so he decided to poke through Snape's desk.  Inside one of the drawers, he found a silky black bra.

            _A bad cliffhanger, but a cliffhanger nonetheless.  More to come!  Hehe …_


	4. Hermione Discovers Something and Harry G...

A Forbidden Love

by A. Smithee

            _Disclaimer: Yep, I _still_ own Harry Potter.  He's tried frequently to escape and go back to J.K. Rowling and AOL Time Warner, but he seems reasonably satisfied when I give him porridge and show him reruns of "SpongeBob SquarePants."_

_            Author's note: This is a story composed of many e-mails, which is why it may sound choppy.  This is also a PWP with slash.  If you don't like slash, that's your problem, not me.  Don't bitch to me about it._

Chapter Four 

            Goyle stared at the bra blankly.  Although he was _extremely_ thick, he was able to put two and two together: Snape was cheating on him.

            Meanwhile in Gryffindor Tower, a certain bushy-haired girl was searching for her underwear.

            Harry felt horrible.  He was hung-over and he had exceeded his "screwing" quota last night.  Somehow he had ended up on the bottom of the orgy.  His head hurt from when Wood and Ginny had rolled on top of it.

            _Dammit,_ he thought, _I'm still wearing Hermione's thong._

            Draco walked to Potions with an extra spring in his step.  Last night had been the best night of his life.  Snape was … _interesting_ in bed, but there was nothing like an old-fashioned orgy.

            Two days later:

            "What's wrong, Hermione?" Ginny asked her friend as she came out of the bathroom for the sixth time.

            "Nothing, just the flu … I think," Hermione answered, rushing back into the bathroom.  Ginny stared after her.  _Hmm … what could be wrong?_ Ginny thought slowly.  _She throws up all the time, she's been having unprotected sex with about ten guys, and there's a book called _You and Your Pregnancy_ in her room.  What _could_ be wrong?_

            "Ron, wait up!" Harry called as he sprinted to Charms.

            "What do you want?" Ron said coldly.

            "Why have you been avoiding me?" Harry asked.

            "Saturday night, you paid more attention to George than you did to me.  I felt inadequate," Ron said, wiping away a tear.

            "Ron, you will always have a special place in my heart, no matter how many other guys I screw," Harry said, putting his arm around him.

            "That means a lot to me," Ron said happily.

_            Aww … of course, there's more drama to come.  Come.  Tee-hee._


	5. Harry Gets his Panties in a Twist

A Forbidden Love

by A. Smithee

            _Disclaimer: Bad news, guys.  Harry escaped from my evil clutches and is now painting the town.  How will I explain this to his _real_ owners, J.K. Rowling and AOL Time Warner?_

_            Author's note: This is a story composed of many e-mails, which is why it may sound choppy.  This is also a PWP with slash.  If you don't like slash, why the heck have you gotten this far into the story?  Weirdo._

Chapter Five 

            "Students, I have an announcement," Dumbledore said Sunday morning at breakfast.  "There will be a Halloween Costume Ball next Friday night.  Dates are required."  Draco attempted to catch Harry's eye, but he refused to look.  "Also, seeing as I'm homophobic, gay couples are not allowed."  All of the students and Snape let out a loud groan.

            Draco looked crushed.  _If I can't take a guy,_ he thought, _who will go with me?_

            The days before the ball passed quickly.  Everyone was scurrying around to find dates and costumes.  Harry was avoiding Draco, Goyle was avoiding Snape, and Hermione was avoiding every guy she had ever slept with, which was practically the entire male population of Hogwarts.  The mood was joyous and laughter filled the air.  That is, until Harry heard something that was not made for his ears.…

            Harry walked quickly up to the boys' dormitories.  He was eager to begin his "tutoring" session with Seamus.  As he approached his bed, he heard giggles and hushed voices coming from beneath the blankets.

            "I don't really like Harry," Ron said.  "I'm just in it for the sex."

            "Really?  You're a good actor, and you … have … a really nice ass," Seamus said quickly.  Harry's fists clenched in fury.

            "Thank you.  Harry never gives me compliments like that," Ron said coyly, just as Harry ripped the blankets off him.

            "You horrible bitch!  I thought you loved me!" Harry screamed at him.

            "I do love you!  I mean, you sleep around, so aren't I allowed to also?" Ron asked him.     

            "NO!  You are my manwhore.  I OWN you!" Harry screamed before running away.

            "Wow, someone's got their panties in a twist," Seamus said.

            Meanwhile, Goyle and Hermione were having troubles of their own.  Hermione still hadn't told anyone that she was pregnant.  So far she had five dates to the Ball, three of which could be the father.  She was getting fatter and more confused by the day.  Goyle still hadn't confronted Snape about the bra.  He was afraid of what Snape might say.  He simply loved Snape too much.

            _More melodrama to come!  Hehe._


	6. Hermione Confesses and Kinky Fun Ensues

A Forbidden Love

by A. Smithee

            _Disclaimer: Harry Potter doesn't belong to me.  He has the words _PROPERTY OF J.K. ROWLING AND AOL TIME WARNER _tattoed onto one of  his butt cheeks._

_            Author's note: This is a story composed of many e-mails, which is why it may sound choppy.  This is also a PWP with slash.  If you don't like slash, you're missing out but that's your prerogative (oh, go look it up)._

Chapter Six 

            "Since it is the day of the Ball, all classes are canceled."

            The crowd cheered, all except for Draco.  He still hadn't found a date and time was running out.

            Hermione walked up to Dumbledore's office with a grim look on her face.  She had to tell him.  She walked up the stairs slowly.

            "Good morning, Miss Granger.  Can I help you with something?" Dumbledore asked her kindly when she entered.

            "Yes," Hermione said nervously, "I'm … pregnant, and I don't know who the father is."

            "Really?  Hmm … I suggest we find all the men who could be the father and bring them here," Dumbledore said thoughtfully.

            "Yeah, umm … that might be hard."

            "Why?" Dumbledore asked suspiciously.

            "Umm … I was kinda involved in this thing …" Hermione paused.

            "An orgy?"

            "How did you know I was in an orgy?" Hermione said, narrowing her eyes.

            "Umm … I was sorta watching it in my Invisibility Cloak," he said quickly.

            "I will choose to ignore that comment.  I need you to call up Harry Potter; Ron, Fred, and George Weasley; Draco Malfoy; Neville Longbottom; Dean Thomas; the Slytherin Quidditch team; the Ravenclaw Beaters; and Oliver Wo–"

            "Didn't he graduate?" Dumbledore interrupted.

            "Well yes, but he's living in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom."

            "Well then, let's call them up."  Dumbledore waved his wand and they all appeared.

            "Wow, trippy.  How did this happen?" Harry said groggily.

            "Shut up and kiss me," Ron cried as he flung himself at Harry.

            "One of you is the father of Hermione's child," Dumbledore announced to the sixteen boys. "I actually know who it is, but I thought we could make this fun."

            Goyle knew what he had to do.  His mind made up, he marched into Snape's office.

            "Snape, we need to talk."  Snape looked up from the potion he was making.

            "About what, darling?" Snape said innocently.

            "About BRAS!" Goyle screamed at him.

            "Oh, so you know my secret," Snape said sadly. "Yes, I have a fetish for women's underwear."

            "WHAT?!  I thought you were cheating on me!" Goyle said happily.

            "I would never cheat on you, Goyle.  Now that you know my secret, we can have lots of kinky fun."  Snape smiled.

            _Well, I'm off to design a _PROPERTY OF DRACO MALFOY _tattoo for Harry's other cheek.  More to come!  Hehe._


	7. “I Don't Play for That Team”

A Forbidden Love

by A. Smithee

            _Disclaimer: Harry Potter doesn't belong to me.  He belongs to J.K. Rowling and AOL Time Warner, and there's no point in suing me because all I own are some CDs and nail polish.  Not to mention handcuffs, a favorite possession of mine …_

_            Author's note: This is a story composed of many e-mails, which is why it may sound choppy.  This is also a PWP with slash.  If you don't like slash, don't read it.  It's as simple as that.  Really._

_            Also, pregnancy goes really quickly in the wizarding world._

Chapter Seven 

            "Class dismissed," Snape announced.  Even though Dumbledore had canceled classes, Snape still held his.

            Goyle walked quickly toward the door, but stopped when he felt a strong hand on his shoulder.

            "Goyle, we need to talk about your … uh … test," Snape said nervously as the rest of the class left.

            "Sure thing, Professor."

            "Well, Goyle, I was w-wondering if you were planning on g-going to the Ball," Snape stuttered.

            "Uh … I don't think Dumbledore condones teachers taking students to –"

            "No, you misunderstood me.  I thought that we could maybe have a picnic down here tonight," Snape said, avoiding Goyle's eyes.

            "I'd be honored," Goyle said.  He leaned over and kissed Snape.

Snape blushed and started stuttering more.  "W-well, good.  M-maybe we could have a dress-up party of our own."

            "You can bet on it."

            _The Great Hall looks magnificent_, Dumbledore thought happily.  _The students will have a night of good, clean fun._  He scanned the room and saw a small door he had never seen before.  He glanced at it one last time before leaving the Hall.

            "Ron, do you have the items I requested?" Harry asked.

            "Yeah," Ron's muffled voice said from inside the secret room they had discovered under the common room.  It had two doors, one in the common room and the other in the Great Hall.

            "Good.  We should set the stuff up and then head down to the Ball."

            Hermione sat on her bed, crying.  She was dressed as a pig because it was the only thing that hid her stomach.

            "Hermione, are you in there?  It's time to go to the Ball," Lavender said from behind the door.

            "I'm coming."  Hermione got up and waddled to the door.

            "Wow, you look like shit," Lavender said.  She was dressed as Cleopatra and looked amazing.  Her date was Dean.  "Ron is _not_ going to want to be seen with you."

            "Well, Ron is stupid and I don't really love him," Hermione said. "Lavender, do you realize we're the only ones in this room?"

            "Sorry, Herm, I don't play for that team."

            _More forbidden trysts, et cetera, to come!  Hehe._


	8. Oh my Gosh, They Finally Use First Names...

A Forbidden Love

by A. Smithee

            _Disclaimer: Harry Potter resents being owned like a child's plaything or my handcuffs; nevertheless, he _does_ belong to J.K. Rowling and AOL Time Warner._

_            Author's note: This is a story composed of many e-mails, which is why it may sound choppy.  This is also a PWP with slash.  If you don't like slash, tough noogies for you.  This is a psychosexual story involving homosexual couples and that is that._

Chapter Eight 

            The Great Hall looked fantastic.  There were candles everywhere and nothing had caught on fire … yet.  Students were milling about and enjoying the music.  For some unknown reason, there was a huge punch fountain in the middle of the room.  Lavender and Dean were making out in a dark corner, Hermione was stuffing her face with chips, and Harry and Ron were nowhere to be found.

            "Another glass, Greggy," Snape whispered silkily.

            "Certainly, Sev," Goyle said.  They were laying on a picnic blanket in the dungeon, holding hands.  Snape was wearing a French maid's costume and Goyle was in a lace slip.

            "You look so hot in pink," Snape whispered in Goyle's ear.  He leaned in and kissed Goyle passionately.  They collapsed in a heap of love.

            "Pansy, there is no freaking way that I'm wearing this!" Draco screamed from his bathroom.  They were already thirty minutes late for the Ball.

            "C'mon, Drakey-poo.  I'm sure it looks _great_.  You have a fabulous body," Pansy gushed from the other side of the door.

            "Yeah, but I usually like to leave most of it up to people's imaginations," Draco said sulkily.

            "Draco Malfoy, if you don't come out this instant, I'm going to the Ball with someone else!" Pansy shouted at him.  He opened the door and stepped out.

            "You look perfect," Pansy said softly. "Now let me just clip this leash on you –"

            "Hell no!  I didn't know that was part of the outfit!  I mean, the leather thong was weird enough," Draco said, backing away from her.

            "Drakey, I can't be a proper dominatrix without a guy on a leash in a thong."  She stuck out her bottom lip and pouted.

            "I better get something out of this," Draco muttered as she clipped the leash on him.

            "You will," Pansy said smugly.

            "Everything set, Ron?" Harry whispered from his hiding spot.

            "Let's see.  The room has been sound-proofed, the Great Hall entrance is locked, the guests are here, and the pudding is ready."

            "Excellent."  Harry grinned wickedly.

            _What diabolic activities can Harry and Ron be up to?  What diabolic activities can Goyle, Snape, and Pansy be up to?!  More to come!  Hehe._


	9. Whipping, Shoving, and Flirting

A Forbidden Love

by A. Smithee

            _Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling and AOL Time Warner.  That woman even took J.K. to court for alleged plagiarism and that court decided that J.K. _does_ own the little whippersnapper._

_            Author's note: This is a story composed of many e-mails, which is why it may sound choppy.  This is also a PWP with slash.  If you don't like slash, have the decency to get the heck outta here.  Thank you kindly._

Chapter Nine 

            Ron grimaced at the scene before him.  He was wearing a knight costume and it fit horribly.  He stared at the mindless drones who were dancing and having fun.  Hermione was at the snack table, pigging out.  _She's really fat,_ he thought sadly. _She used to be so hot._

            He sighed and glanced up at the entrance to the Great Hall.  Malfoy stood there stupidly as Pansy attempted to rip his cloak off.  He was resisting, so she whipped him in the ass.  Ron heard Malfoy's loud shriek as Pansy managed to remove the cloak.  A collective gasp went through the Hall.

            "What are you looking at?!" Draco shouted. "It's just a leather thong."

            "Miss Granger, I need to speak with you," Dumbledore said as a slow song started. "Perhaps it would be more discreet if we talked while dancing."

            "Why would that be more –" Hermione said as he whisked her onto the dance floor.

            "I was thinking of having a meeting with the potential fathers of your baby after the Ball," Dumbledore said as he snaked an arm around her waist.

            "Sure, sounds fine," she said uncomfortably.

            "You know, you have really beautiful eyes," Dumbledore said with a suggestive wink.

            "Ewww!" Hermione screamed as she shoved Dumbledore across the floor.  She turned around and ran into the first room she saw.  Inside, at that moment, Harry was busy preparing a vat of chocolate pudding.

            _This is so boring,_ Lavender thought glumly. _Why did Dean have to dress like Santa Claus?  I can barely get my arms around him._

            "What's wrong, Lav?" Dean said cheerfully.

            "Nothing," she lied.  She looked over Dean's shoulder and saw Ginny dancing with a herd of hotties.  She was wearing a provocative schoolgirl uniform.  _If only I could be like Ginny,_ Lavender thought sadly.

            "Another grape, Sev?" Goyle said sweetly.

            "If you feed it to me," Snape said, winking.  They were still in the dungeon and discarded items of clothing were piled around them.

            "Greggy, should I change into this skimpy bikini?" Snape said as he picked up a sickeningly pink bathing suit.

            "I won't complain."

            "Neville, will you please leave me alone?" Ginny said as Neville tried to get in between her and the hotties.

            "But Ginny, we came to the Ball together.  I want to dance with you," he said hopefully.

            "Ha!  As _if_!  I would rather dance with that ugly guy over there."  She pointed at a strange man with black lines through his eyes.  He looked incredibly out of place.

            "But –" Neville began.

            "Do me a favor and die, Longbottom," said a cold, drawling voice from behind Ginny.  Neville started crying and ran away, his pathetic ghost costume dragging behind him.

            Draco took Ginny's hand and led her to a secluded corner of the Great Hall.

            "Virginia, you Catholic girls start much too late," he said as he kissed her hand.

            _More dancing, scandal, ripping off of quotations, and Neville-hatin' to come!_

_            You know, I really wore out that cheap joke._


	10. Somebody Still Loves Draco …

A Forbidden Love

by A. Smithee

            Disclaimer: Hey, you know what'd be cool?  If Harry's owner, J.K. Rowling, wrote the next book and titled it Harry Potter and his Band Practice.  See, in it Harry could pick up pounding toms, which of course prompts the question, "Who's Toms?"  His other owner, AOL Time Warner, could have a field day with that in the movie.  Yep.

            Author's note: This is a story composed of many e-mails, which is why it may sound choppy.  This is also a PWP with slash.  If you don't like slash, support your local punk band and be on your merry way.  Thanks.

**Chapter Ten**

            "Harry, what the HELL are you doing?!" Hermione screamed as she looked around.  In the center of the room there was a large kiddie pool filled with chocolate pudding.  Surrounding it were roughly a dozen kids, all in their underwear.

            "Hey Hermione, wanna join us?" Harry asked.  She noticed he was still wearing her thong.

            "What's going on here?!" she screamed again.

            "C'mon, are you seriously telling me that you didn't know about our underground pudding wrestling club?  Man, you really are weird," Harry said, frowning.

            "At first the meetings were in Filch's office, but he started to get suspicious so we had to move them," Wood added from behind Harry.

            "So Hermione, if you're not going to join us, could you tell Ron that Phase Pudding is done and we need to start Phase Spike the Punch, please?" Harry asked.

            "Fine, whatever," she said as she walked out.

            Ron was standing by the punch bowl when he saw an angel enter the Great Hall.  Her long white dress flowed down her body like syrup.

Wow, he thought, I think I'm in love.  He hid behind the fountain as she approached him.

            "Uh, hey," she said cautiously.

            "Hello, you beautiful goddess.  I am your knight in shining armor," he said sexily as he kissed her hand.

            "Although I just met you, I feel like we are destined to be together," she said, gazing into his eyes.

            "I will love you for–" Ron began as Hermione grabbed his arm and dragged him away.

            "What do you think you're doing?" Hermione hissed at him. "She's a Slytherin, you idiot."

            "What?!" Ron shouted, shocked out of his daze.

            "Her name is Blaise.  You two can never be together," Hermione said grimly. "Oh, by the way, Harry told me that Phase Pudding is done and you need to start Phase Spike the Punch."

            Ron looked dejectedly at his feet and stalked off.  He picked up a large barrel and poured it into the punch fountain.  With a sad look on his face, he went to find Harry.

            "Draco, do you want some more punch?" Ginny asked him.  They had been making out in the corner for almost an hour.

            "If it's in your shirt, then hell yeah," Draco said drunkenly.  She leaned him on her shoulder and walked him to the punch fountain.

            "Dude, have you tried the punch?  It's spiked!" Crabbe said to them.

            "Masterly!" Ginny said as she helped herself to more.

            "Greggy, do you think the Ball is any good?" Snape asked quietly.

            "Maybe … but what could be more fun than playing dress-up with me?" Goyle said cheerfully.

            Snape looked wistful for a moment.  He was thinking about Draco.

            Apologies for the cheap drummer joke.  More to come!


	11. Regrets and Sexy Redheads

A Forbidden Love

by A. Smithee

            Disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling and AOL Time Warner.  Unfortunately.  Oh, and characters of "The Tribe," who make cameos, belong to Cloud 9 Productions.

            Author's note: This is a story composed of many e-mails, which is why it may sound choppy.  This is also a PWP with slash.  If you don't like slash … go.  Just go.

**Chapter Eleven**

            "Yee-haw!" Harry screamed as he galloped through the pudding wearing only a cowboy hat and a thong.  "C'mon, Ron, get into it!" he shouted.  Ron looked hopelessly depressed.

            "I'm really not in the mood," he said sadly.  Images of a beautiful Slytherin kept running through his head.  He replayed their conversation over and over.

            Ron was suddenly awakened from his thoughts by a large gob of pudding.

            "FOOD FIGHT!" Wood screamed.  

Out of the one eye he could see out of, Ron saw Harry, Cho, and Pansy making out on the floor.  Apparently Pansy had gotten over Draco in a hurry.

            Wow, Ron thought, I must really be in love.  Seeing Harry with other people doesn't even bother me.

            "Now Ginny-poo, you wouldn't take advantage of poor drunken me, would you?" Draco asked coyly.

            "Actually, I would," Ginny said.  She shoved him and they both fell in the punch fountain.

            Nobody loves me, Hermione thought sadly.  She was crying in a secluded corner of the Hall.

            "Mind if I sit here?" asked an unfamiliar voice.  She looked up and saw a cute guy with orange hair.

            "Go ahead," she said shyly.  He looked down and looked slightly uncomfortable.

            "Uh, I'm Jack," he said nervously.  He wasn't wearing a costume, but he had weird face paint on.

            "I'm Hermione.  I don't recognize you, which house are you in?"

            "That's a really pretty name.  Umm … I don't actually go here," Jack said, looking at his feet. "I came to the Ball with my friend.  He's right over there."  Jack pointed to an ugly guy with long black hair.  He was currently dancing with Neville.

            They both grimaced at the sight.

            "So Hermione, do you want to dance?" Jack asked hopefully.  She looked down at her stomach and frowned.  It would be impossible to dance properly.      

            "I don't think that would be possible," Hermione said sadly.

            "Of course, a pretty girl like you must have a boyfriend.  I shouldn't have ask–"

            "I don't have a boyfriend, it's just that … I'm pregnant, if you didn't notice.  It would be really hard to dance."

            "I think we can manage," Jack said kindly.  He took her hand and they danced.

            I am a stupid, stupid fool, Severus Snape thought angrily. I had love and I threw it away.  I am a moron.

            "Please tell me what's wrong, Sev," Goyle said honestly.

            "It's nothing, Dra–Greg," Snape said nervously.

            Goyle frowned.  Something was up.

            [insert cheap joke promising more to come here]


	12. You Asked For It!

A Forbidden Love

by A. Smithee

_            Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling and AOL Time Warner have Harry on a dog leash, okay?  _They_ own him.  Same goes for Cloud 9 and characters from "The Tribe," respectively._

_            Author's note: This is a story composed of many e-mails, which is why it may sound choppy.  This is also a PWP with slash.  If you don't like slash, have it your way.  Just don't be a bum in the "reviews" section._

**Chapter Twelve**

            "I can't take this anymore.  I have to find her," Ron said as he left the pudding-filled room.

            "Well, bye, Ron," Harry said indignantly.  He was still covered in pudding.

            Ron ran through the crowd, searching for his angel.  He scanned the dance floor and almost had a heart attack.  In the middle, Fred, George, Katie, Angelina, and Alicia were freak-dancing.  The girls were all wearing gold bodysuits, but Fred and George were dressed as they always were.

            "Fred!  George!  What are you dressed as?" Ron heard Lee Jordan call from the fountain.

            "Fred," George replied, giggling.

            "George," Fred said as they collapsed in a heap, laughing at their own cleverness.

            "Morons," Ron muttered.

            "Miss Granger, I need to speak with you," Dumbledore said politely as he pried Jack and Hermione apart. "Since the Ball is drawing to a close, I suggest we gather the potential fathers.  I have narrowed the potential fathers down to Harry, Ron, Fred, George, Draco, Neville, and Oliver.  I will magically move them to my office, but whoever they're touching will appear too.  We could have a problem there."

            "I'm sure it will be fine.  Can Jack come too?" Hermione asked.

            "Of course.  He might come in handy."  Dumbledore winked in an immensely disturbing manner.  With a pop, the three were transported to his office.

            "Let's call Harry up first," Dumbledore said.  He waved his hand and pudding-covered Harry, Wood, Pansy, and Cho appeared.  Jack looked confused.

            "Miss Parkinson, Miss Chang, you may return to the Ball.  Let's call up the Weasleys now," Dumbledore said, ignoring the fact that Harry and Wood were only wearing thongs.  A sullen-looking Ron and two very drunk twins appeared.

            "George, where are we?" one of them asked in awe.

            "I'm Fred.  _You're_ George," the other answered.

            "Really –?" George began.

            "So, we're only missing Draco and Neville." Dumbledore waved his hand again.

            "Oh, my!" Hermione shrieked.

            Punch-stained Draco and Ginny were making out on the floor, but that wasn't what scared Hermione.  Neville and an ugly guy with black hair were also making out.  Jack screamed and fainted.

            "Miss Weasley, I think you should leave now.  Take this strange man with you, too," Dumbledore said quietly.

            Ginny got up and dragged the strange man away.  Hermione knelt down and tried to revive Jack.  He sat up quickly and started babbling incoherently.

            "He's gay!  I can't believe it!  All those times he called me 'computer geek' he was probably hitting –" He stopped when Dumbledore slapped him.

            "Good, everyone is here and sane –" Dumbledore began.

            They heard a loud "pop!"  An unfamiliar boy with blond hair and glasses suddenly appeared.  He was wearing an ugly flowered apron.

            "Where am I?!  Who are you?!  Argh, the cake is probably ruined.  Salene's gonna kill me …" he muttered as he stormed out the door.

            "Well, anyway, the father is –" Dumbledore started again.          

            "Wait!" Jack shouted.  He turned to face Hermione. "Before you find out who your future husband is, I want to give you something.  It's my, you know, m-my, my lucky whistle."

            He handed her a shiny whistle.  Hermione smiled sadly.

            "And the father is … Jack."

            _Bet you didn't see that one coming!  More to come!*  Hehe._

_            *The cheapest joke posted  in the "reviews" section for this chapter will be featured in the next chapter's footnotes!_


	13. Dead Hagrid is Rotting

A Forbidden Love

by A. Smithee

            _Disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling and AOL Time Warner; therefore, they have the power to drag him around by his pocket and call him "Betsey," and poor Harry/Betsey can't do anything about it.  The same goes for characters of "The Tribe" and Cloud 9 Productions, respectively._

_            Author's note: This is a story composed of many e-mails, which is why it may sound choppy.  This is also a PWP with slash.  If you don't like slash, pish off.  Thanks._

Chapter Thirteen 

            "WHAT THE HELL?!" Draco screamed.

            "THIS IS INSANITY!" Wood yelled.

            "How is this even possible?" asked the ever-logical Jack. "We just met an hour ago."

            Dumbledore smiled knowingly.  "Hermione, do you remember what you were doing Sunday night?" Dumbledore asked.

            "No."

            "What about you, Jack?"

            "I might have been hiding in the woods.…" Jack looked puzzled for a moment.

            "I know the truth.  You can stop lying," Dumbledore said soothingly.

            "Fine.  I _was_ lying," Hermione confessed. "Sunday night I was at a Muggle bar.  I met a guy called 'Mr. Cool,' but I never saw his face.  We got really drunk and ended up in his room.…" She trailed off and started blushing.

            "And you, Jack?" Dumbledore asked.

            "I went to a bar, too.  I met a girl and asked if she wanted to see my –"

            "_Lucky whistle!_  Oh, Jack, it was you!  Now we'll live happily ever after!  I love you!" Hermione gushed.

            "I love you, too," Jack said.  They started kissing, but stopped when Dumbledore coughed.

            "I think Hagrid can arrange for a place for you to live.  We should go visit him," Dumbledore said.  He waved his wand and they appeared at Hagrid's cabin.

            "What's that?" Hermione asked, pointing at a large dead animal blocking the door to the cabin.

            "IT'S HAGRID!" Harry (who had also come) shouted.

            "HE'S DEAD!" Hermione screamed.

            "Hmm … this is quite a spacious cabin," Dumbledore said as he entered. "It could easily fit four people."

            "You want us to live in Hagrid's smelly cabin?!" Hermione exclaimed. "He just died – wait … did you say _four_ people?"

            "Did I forget to tell you?  You're having twins!" Dumbledore said merrily.

            Jack fainted.

            Back in Dumbledore's office:

            "Do you think we can go back to the Ball?" Ron asked.

            "The door's locked; we don't have much of a choice," Draco replied coldly.

            Ron didn't notice his tone.  He was too busy thinking about Blaise.  "Hey Draco, do you know anything about a girl named Blaise?"

            "Of course.  She sits next to me in Potions.  She has a _really_ nice ass," Draco said, starting to drool.

            "How dare you?!" Ron cried.  He pulled a dueling glove out of his pocket and slapped Draco.

            Soon they were on the ground punching each other.  They were making so much noise that even Neville's wails of something that sounded like "sex" were drowned out.  Suddenly, a greasy man wearing a bikini burst through the door.

            "Draco!  I love you!" he shouted.

_            Okay, this chapter's lame sex joke is: Abraham Lincoln, Ronald Reagan, and Bill Clinton are all on the rapidly-sinking _Titanic_.  Lincoln says, "Quick!  Save all the women and children!"_

_            "Screw the women and children!" Reagen cries._

_            "… Is there time?" Clinton asks._

_            I'm sorry it had to come to this, but that's what happens when people don't post lame sex jokes about George W. Bush.  Anyway, more to come._


	14. “Salene, I'm COOKING!”

A Forbidden Love

by A. Smithee

            _Disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling and AOL Time Warner.  He's their bitch more than anyone else.  Same goes to the various characters of "The Tribe" and Cloud 9 Productions, respectively._

_            Author's note: This is a story composed of many e-mails, which is why it may sound choppy.  This is also a PWP with slash.  If you don't like slash, be sure not to stop by , where "A Forbidden Love" is now archived._

Chapter Fourteen 

            "Snape?!  What the hell are you doing?" Draco screamed.

            "Draco, I was an idiot.  I never should have chosen Gregory over you.  You are my soulmate and I love you," Snape said, his eyes brimming with tears.

            "Um … I don't know what to say," Draco said. "Severus, you broke my heart and I'm kinda involved with someone else now.  You know Ginny Weasley, right?"

            "Ginny Weasley."  Snape narrowed his eyes.

            _The next morning at breakfast:_

"Good morning, students.  I hear the Ball was a big hit," Dumbledore said merrily. "As some of you may know, last night, Hagrid died."  He looked sorrowful for a moment but quickly cheered up. "On a lighter note, Jack will take over his gamekeeping duties."

            He nodded toward Jack, who was sitting next to Hermione at the Gryffindor table.

            "I have another announcement," Dumbledore said with less enthusiasm. "We have a new student joining us.  Martin … I'm sorry, it seems your last name is blurred out."

            He directed the last comment to a weird boy with goggles on his head.

            "I have no last name!  I am Zoot!  Martin is dead!" the weird boy yelled.  He then jumped on the staff table and screamed, _"Power and chaos!"_

            "Will someone please get him down?" Dumbledore said calmly.  Snape and Flitwick grabbed Martin's arms and dragged him outside.  As they passed the Gryffindor table, Snape sent Ginny a murderous glare.

            _After breakfast:_

            "Draco will soon be mine again.  I will take care of Ginny Weasley.  She will be no threat to me after she drinks this potion."

            "Uh, Professor, are you okay?"

            Snape quickly snapped out of his diabolical thoughts.

            "Students, today we will be making the 'other girl' potion.  Can I have a volunteer to help with the demonstration?" Snape asked his class.

            "I'll help," said a small Slytherin.

            "Put your hand down, Little Steve!" Snape shouted at him. "Miss Weasley, maybe _you_ could help me?"

            "Uh, sure," Ginny said.  She had been daydreaming about the new guy.  He was _really_ hot.

            Snape directed Ginny toward the cauldron.  "Weasley, add three frog legs and a pinch of dirt to the potion."

            Ginny obeyed and the potion began to bubble.

            "Good.  Now, _Martin,_ could you hand her the –"

            "MY NAME IS NOT MARTIN!  I AM THE MIGHTY ZOOT!" Martin yelled.

            "Damn, can someone take this head case to Dumbledore's office?" Snape asked angrily.

            "I will!" Ginny said, jumping up and down.

            "Weasley, you have to finish the –" Snape began.

            It was too late.  Ginny and Martin were already out the door.

            _After class:_

            Snape walked quickly toward Dumbledore's office.  He had to scold Martin briefly before getting back to his potion.  Ginny wouldn't know what hit her.

            "Come in, Severus," Dumbledore said.

            "I'm here to collect Martin."

            "Martin?  He isn't here," Dumbledore said calmly.

            "But I sent him here.  He was disrupting the class so I had Ginny take –"

            "Hmm … You sent a boy and a girl to my office … alone," Dumbledore said knowingly.  He gave Snape an immensely disturbing wink.  "I suggest you go look for them."

            Snape hadn't even taken two steps when he heard giggling coming from a storage room next to Dumbledore's office.  He was about to open the door when he noticed a large flyer taped next to it.  It read:

            _All-night tutoring par-TAY!  Harry Potter's room, Gryffindor Tower.  Starts at nine o'clock tonight._

            _Stupid Potter,_ Snape thought bitterly. _No one will come to _that_._  He reached for the doorknob and pulled it open.

            "Oh my God!  Snape, what the HELL are you doing here?!" Ginny screamed.  She and Martin were rolling around in their underwear.

            "The mighty Zoot strikes again!" Martin shouted as he ran down the corridor, leaving his clothes behind.  Snape and Ginny looked confused for a few seconds.

            "Ginny, stay away from Draco," Snape said menacingly.

            "Draco?  Ha!  I don't want Draco!  I need a real man, like Martin," Ginny said, starting to drool.

            "Ginny, I think we have an understanding."

            _In an entirely different place:_

            "Harry, this 'tutoring' session is gonna rock," Ron said, grinning.  He was secretly praying that Blaise would come.

            "Totally.  We need to get some food if it's going to be perfect, though."

            "What are we waiting for?"

            Harry and Ron carefully snuck into the kitchens.  When they entered, they knew something was wrong.  The house elves were idling in the entryway.  They looked scared.

            "Dobby, what's wrong?" Harry asked.

            "Harry Potter, Dumbledore has hired two new cooks," Dobby answered meekly.  Harry started to walk toward the kitchen when he was hit in the head with a frying pan.

            "Patch, you moron!  I told you to get a BIG frying pan.  This one is puny!  Get me a new one!" a female voice shouted.

            "Salene, I'm _cooking_!  Get it yourself," Patch answered.

            "Patch, you are _so_ dead!" Salene yelled.

            Harry groggily sat up and saw a girl with pink hair launch herself onto the ugly blond kid from Dumbledore's office.

            "Ouch!" she screamed as Patch slashed her hand with a potato peeler.

            "Salene, I'm so sorry!  Put some of my homemade ointment on it," Patch said kindly.

            Salene rubbed some on her hand.  It turned purple and started bubbling.

            "You bastard!"  Yet again, she launched herself onto Patch.

            "I swear I thought it would help –" Patch broke off as she started biting his leg.

            "Harry," Ron whispered, "I got the food.  Let's go."  They hurried out as another pan came hurtling out of the kitchen.

            "Wow, she sure is lean and mean," Harry said.

            They walked up to Gryffindor Tower and started to set up the food.  Harry noted a poster on the wall.  It read:

            _Join the Locos!  Be a part of the best new house in Hogwarts!  Contact Zoot (aka Martin) if interested._

            "Hey guys, am I early?" Jack asked as he walked in.

            "Shouldn't you be with Hermione?  She's due any second," Ron said.

            "Look, I'm _marrying_ her.  I need some 'me' time.  Consider this my bachelor party."

            "Fine," Ron said begrudgingly.

            "Let's get this party started!"

            Goyle buried his face in his hands and wept freely.  Snape didn't love him anymore.  He _had_ to get Snape back.

            _Hmm …_ Goyle mused, _Maybe I could date someone else to make him jealous.  Crabbe?  Too stupid and ugly.  Ron?  Too hard.  Harry?  Too _easy_.  Wood?  No, he's the same as Har__–_

            Goyle's thoughts were interrupted by an anguished cry from Hagrid's cabin.

            "JACK!"

            _Okay, new joke.  What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato?  A dick-tater!  Hehe.  Anyway, more to come._


	15. Guys in Pink Tights are Sexy

A Forbidden Love

by A. Smithee

            _Disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling and AOL Time Warner.  He's forced to participate in big, messy cuddle-puddles with them because they're his owners.  They can do that..  Same goes to the various characters of "The Tribe" and Cloud 9 Productions, respectively._

_            Author's note: This is a story composed of many e-mails, which is why it may sound choppy.  This is also a PWP with slash.  If you don't like slash, don't kill the dream for others.  We must fight to keep the dream alive._

Chapter Fifteen 

            "Harry, did you hear something?" Jack asked, shouting over the music.

            "Did I _beer_ something?  Yeah, I just beered George!"  Harry started giggling and collapsed on the floor.

            "JACK, GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!"

            "Oh, shit!" Jack swore as he rushed down the stairs.  When he reached the cabin, he found Hermione panting on the ground.

            "Do something!" she screamed.

            "I don't know how to deliver babies!" Jack screamed back.

            "I do!" said a voice from outside.

            Suddenly, a man jumped through the window.  He was dressed in pink-striped tights and a knit tank top.

            "Who the hell are you?!" Hermione screamed.

            "I'm Bray, the new school nurse."

            "Bray?!  I thought you were dead!" a confused Jack said.

            "Well, immortality runs in my family.  How have you been, Jack?" said Bray.

            "Things have been interesting.  I came here with Lex for a party and now I'm gonna live here for the rest of my life," Jack replied.

            "Harsh, man," Bray said sympathetically.

            "Yeah, WOMAN IN LABOR HERE!" Hermione screamed.

            "Jack, you should probably go outside, if that's okay with you," Bray suggested, rolling up his sleeves.

            "It's fine," Jack said quickly.  He ran out of the cabin.

            "JACK, DON'T YOU _DARE_ GO BACK TO THE PARTY!" Hermione screeched.

            "Damn."

            Meanwhile, Harry's party was in full swing.  Practically the entire student body had managed to fit into the Gryffindor fifth years' dormitory.  For some reason, Ron was outside the window in a very tall tree.  He was crying and writing angsty poetry when he heard someone come out on the balcony and sigh.

            "Ron, where are you?" a female voice said softly.

            Ron's heart skipped a beat.  It was Blaise!  He tried to move so he could see her better, but he fell out of the tree.

            "Ron!" Blaise cried as a blur of red crashed onto the ground.

            "I'm okay," came Ron's muffled voice.  He managed to jump up the tree and onto the balcony, disregarding all laws of gravity.

            _"Ron," _Blaise said breathily.

            "Blaise," Ron said, feigning a strong, masculine voice.

            "I love you."

            "I love you, too."

            "Blaise," Ron said nervously, "do you want to marry me?"

            "Of course!"

            "Ron!" Harry yelled from inside. "Dude, chick fight!  You gotta see this!"

            "I'm coming, Harry!" Ron shouted back. "Blaise, meet me at the lake tomorrow night," he whispered.  They kissed passionately and Ron went back to the party.

            He looked around for the chick fight, but was distracted by an angry voice in the corner:

            "Jaffa, you absolutely can_not_ join the Locos!"

            "But Zoot – Divine One – you need me!  I'm your Guardian!"

            "You are an ugly guy with permed hair in a dress," Zoot said contemptuously.

            "But my life belongs to you.  You are the tree, I am the fruit," said ugly guy protested.

            "You're a _loser_.  You're so stupid I wouldn't even let you start a cult about me."

            "But,  Master …"

            "Leave me alone, Jaffa.  Go screw Luke or something."

            Jaffa got an excited look in his eyes and ran toward a guy with blue hair.

            "Ron, the fight's over here!" Harry shouted, gesturing toward three girls in a kiddie pool.  They appeared to be covered in puke.

            "Harry, what are they covered in?" Ron asked.

            "Gruel.  Jack's suggestion."

            "Cool," Ron said, concentrating on the fight.

            "Jay's mine!" a girl in a cleavage-baring red top shouted.

            "No, he's _mine_!" a violet-haired girl screamed as she shoved the first girl.

            "You're both wrong.  He's mine!" said the third girl who had a very odd hairstyle.

            "Say that again, Amber, and I'll rip your Zulu knots off one by one," the second girl threatened.

            "I can kick your ass any day, Trudy," Amber said, trying to look tough.

            "Okay, let's make a deal," red-shirt girl said calmly. "You two can fight over Jay, and I'll take _Bray_."

            "No way, Ebony!" Trudy shouted furiously.

            "I want Bray!" Amber screamed as Ebony tried to blind her with gruel.

            "I should get Bray," Trudy whined. "My baby is named after him."

            "So is mine!  _And_ Bray's the father!" Amber yelled, kicking Ebony in the face.

            "This is so intense!" Harry said excitedly.

            "Yeah," Ron said glumly.  The fight was starting to bore him.  Instead, he concentrated on yet another flyer pinned to the wall.  It read:

            _Join the Bizatch Hizzy!  Anyone can join (except you, Zoot).  Contact Jaffa, Johnny, Donnie, or Dal for information._

            "Wow, how sad," Ron commented.

            "Congratulations!" Bray said warmly. "It's a boy and a girl."

            Hermione smiled.

            "Can I hold them?" Jack said meekly.

            "Of course," Bray said. "But I really must be going."

            He handed Hermione a card.  "I'm forming a mothers' group.  First meeting is tomorrow and child-care will be provided."  Bray smiled and jumped out the window.

            Jack bent down and kissed Hermione.  "What should we name them?" he asked.

            "I don't know," Hermione said thoughtfully.

            "How about Michael and, uh … Emma?"

            "No."

            "Jack Jr. and Jill?"

            _"No."_

            "Could we at least name the girl Ellie?" Jack asked, his mind filled with a girl who had long, blond hair.

            "Sure," Hermione said dreamily. "Can we name the boy Viktor?"

            "That's fine with me," Jack said.

            "What?  You're not gonna name them after _me_?" Bray said from outside the window. "These are the first babies I've delivered that haven't been named after me.  I'm insulted."

            "Fine," Jack said, visibly annoyed. "How about Viktor Bray and Ellie … Brayla.  Happy?"

            "Ecstatic," Bray said, finally leaving.

            "I'm going to be late," Draco said to himself as he ran up to Gryffindor Tower.  The first things he saw when he entered the dormitory was three gruel-covered girls wrestling on the floor.  He scanned the room, hoping to find his new flame.  He saw Martin making out with some girl on a couch, but he didn't see Ginny.  _Wait …_ Draco thought suddenly, _That _is_ Ginny!_

            He marched over to the couch and punched Martin.

            "What was that for?!" Martin screamed.

            "You're kissing my girlfriend!" Draco screamed back.

            "Draco, I'm _not_ your girlfriend," Ginny said coolly.

            "Dude, my minions are gonna kill you," Martin said, feeling his bruised eye.

            "Ginny, how could you?" Draco asked sadly.

            "I'm sorry, but you don't have the edge Martin have.  We can't continue with this little charade," Ginny said.

            A single tear ran down Draco's cheek.

            "But … I love you, Ginny," he said.

            Little did they know that someone was hiding under that couch.

            Someone with sallow skin and long, greasy hair….

_            So.  Who is that someone?  Somebody familiar?  Some random "Tribe" person?  Stay tuned to find out…._


	16. Draco, I Want Your Body

A Forbidden Love

by A. Smithee

            _Disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling and AOL Time Warner.  Same goes to the various characters of "The Tribe" and Cloud 9 Productions, respectively.  Just like I own an oven mitt and my middle school administration owns my mind._

_            Author's note: This is a story composed of many e-mails, which is why it may sound choppy.  This is also a PWP with slash.  If you don't like slash, don't read _The Outsiders_ by S.E. Hinton.  There are huge man-slashy undertones. *is happy*_

Chapter Sixteen 

            _Perfect!  _Snape thought happily as he snuck back out of the Gryffindor common room. _Draco's heart is smashed to pieces and _I'll_ be the one to put it back together._  He grinned as he passed the dungeons, not hearing the ominous clunking coming from within.

            "Damn it!" Goyle yelled as he fumbled with a bottle of frog liver.  It slipped from his hand and broke on the floor.

            It was six o'clock in the morning and he had been working on a Body-Switching Potion for the past three hours.  So far, he was failing dismally.  His plan was to switch bodies with Draco so he could have Snape all to himself.  "Hmm … maybe vodka would make this work," he said aloud.

            For the next two hours Goyle toiled with the potion.  After seventy-four failed attempts, he came up with a semi-decent potion.  The only problem was, he still didn't know how the potion work.  "Oh, shoot!" he cried. "I'm gonna miss breakfast!"

            Goyle stared at the potion, trying to decide which was more important: Snape or sausage and eggs.  After a second's delay, he sprinted toward the Great Hall.  _The potion can wait,_ he decided.

            A few minutes after he left, Peeves splashed the entire potion through the corridors of Hogwarts.  It oozed across the floor until it covered the entire castle….

            "Good morning, students," Dumbledore said to the sea of people around him. "I hope you all slept well."

            He glanced at Harry who was snoring softly into his breakfast.  Every single student had bloodshot eyes and most looked like they hadn't gotten any sleep.  Hermione was holding Ellie and Viktor Bray and looked like she was about to die.  The only student who looked well-rested was Pink-Eyed Pete, a small, annoying boy in Hufflepuff.

            "Our first order of business concerns school houses.  Students absolutely may _not_ start their own houses."  Dumbledore stared pointedly at Martin.

            Martin had divided the Slytherin table in half and was barking at anyone who sat on his side.  A large sign that said "Long Live the Locos!" was serving as a wall between sides.

            Dumbledore sighed.  "Well, I have some more bad news," he began sadly. "Madame Pomfrey was found strangled to death early this morning.  She had a pair of pink-striped tights around her neck….  Oh well.  Anyone who wishes to fill her position can see me after –"

            Dumbledore broke off as a large drop of liquid hit him in the face.  He looked confused for a moment before laughing maniacally.  "I've changed my mind!" he announced. "Not only can the Locos continue to be a house.  I've decided to let them teach all the classes.  Power and chaos!"  He jumped off the teachers' platform and ran out of the Hall shouting, "I'm _scandalous_!" over his shoulder.

            Everyone silently processed what had just happened.

            "Is Dumbledore mad?" Pink-Eyed Pete asked timidly.  Harry threw a rock at him and he stopped talking.

            Suddenly, an unknown liquid came cascading down on all of their heads.

            For a moment, the Hall was in utter chaos.  People were screaming and behaving strangely.  Crabbe ran over to the twins to see if they were all right.  Ellie looked up at him and started crying.  Crabbe looked heartbroken and tried to make Jack help him.  Jack smiled seductively and attempted to hit on Crabbe.  On the other side of the room, Draco looked confused for a moment before dunking his face in a bowl of gruel.  No one noticed that Snape had snuck off to the dungeons, and no one heard his horrified yell of, "Why did I have to eat breakfast?!"

            _Check back to see what all this nonsense is about and what dumb double entendres I'll think of next!_


End file.
